Lessons Learned: Accountability, Visibility, and Staying Present

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I was working on a task based on the initial assumptions and requirements available at that time. We developed the integration accordingly.

Later, the client’s requirements changed, including the integration pattern. As a result, some of the work we had already completed may no longer be usable.

The change itself was not entirely within my control. However, instead of focusing on blame, I need to recognize the part that is within my control: how I manage the situation, protect the work of my team, and provide visibility into what actually happened.

1. Defend the Work with Facts

One of my biggest lessons is that I need to be able to defend the work—not emotionally, but with facts and evidence.

I should clearly understand how resources are being utilized:

  • Which task is assigned to each resource?
  • When was the task assigned?
  • When did the resource start working on it?
  • How much time was spent on it?
  • When was it completed and submitted?
  • When was it reviewed by QA or the functional consultant?
  • Was rework requested, and why?
  • When did the rework start and finish?
  • When was the task finally reviewed and closed?
  • Was any work discarded because of a requirement or design change?

This information should become a measurable task and resource matrix.

If a project changes direction, I should be able to demonstrate clearly: This was the requirement at that time, this was the work completed against it, this was the effort consumed, and this is when and why the requirement changed.

That is not about blaming someone. It is about creating transparency and protecting the team through evidence.

2. Take Responsibility for What I Can Control

I cannot control every client decision, requirement change, or project situation. But I am responsible for how I respond.

Instead of becoming depressed, defensive, or suppressed by the situation, I need to examine the reality objectively.

What happened? What can I learn from it? What information was missing? What should I track differently next time? What action can I take now?

Every difficult situation should improve my management system.

3. Live and Work in the Present Moment

The second major lesson is to remain fully present.

If my mind is occupied with what happened in the past, I may become frustrated or defensive. If it is constantly worried about what might happen in the future, I may become anxious.

Neither helps me deal effectively with the situation in front of me.

The past is useful for learning.
The future is useful for planning.
But action can only happen in the present.

When I am fully present, I can observe the facts, understand what people are doing, ask the right questions, document decisions, identify risks early, and defend my work professionally.

So the principle I want to follow is:

Do not fight the past. Do not fear the future. Understand the present situation clearly, document the facts, and take the best possible action now.

What is the middle way?

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The whole night, I couldn’t sleep. Memories of the past and thoughts about the future kept coming into my mind. Sometimes I simply floated with the waves of thought. At other times, I gave too much power to certain memories, and I could feel the stress building inside me.

Then I tried to return to the present moment. A kind of Zen mindset came over me.

In the deep silence of the night, when everyone else was sleeping, I just lay there. The next two days felt long. I slept a lot and didn’t feel like doing anything.

But there was another problem: when I stayed completely in the present moment, time seemed to move painfully slowly. I would stare at the floor and listen to the constant hum of the split AC. What do you do with yourself in such moments?

If I stayed only in the present, time barely moved. But if I allowed myself to drift into thoughts—positive or negative—time passed quickly. The problem was that wandering too deeply into the past often left me sad, and sometimes even a little angry.

So I began wondering: What is the middle way?

Perhaps the middle way is not to stop thinking, but to become more conscious of which thoughts we choose to give our attention to.

Pick the good memories. Give them some space. Revisit them.

Count your blessings.

I remembered something from the book Chaali Din: why do we keep collecting the thorny memories from our past? Why do we hold on so tightly to the moments that hurt us while allowing the beautiful ones to fade away?

My wandering mind began to calm when I deliberately turned toward beautiful memories.

I started counting my blessings—the things life has given me, the things I have achieved, the people who have valued me, the moments when someone special gave me their time and attention.

Maybe we cannot stop the mind from wandering.

But perhaps we can choose the garden in which we allow it to wander.

Dealing with Gen Z and Gen Alpha

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I was sitting with my son, trying to explain why studying is important. He belongs to Generation Alpha. He listened quietly, but he didn’t respond or ask any questions. It felt as if my words were not reaching him.

That made me realize the problem wasn’t that he was refusing to listen. The problem was that he wasn’t connecting with the way I was communicating.

Generation Alpha—children born after 2010—has grown up in a world filled with smartphones, tablets, AI, and instant access to information. Compared to Generation Z, they are even more comfortable interacting with technology than with people.

I noticed this difference in my own home. Even though I’m a software engineer who spends nearly 18 hours a day in front of a computer, I still prefer typing my searches into Google, YouTube, or AI tools. Voice commands don’t feel natural to me.

My daughter, on the other hand, never thinks twice. Before she could even write properly or start school, she was already telling YouTube with her voice to play her favorite cartoons. For her, speaking to technology is completely natural.

This made me rethink how I communicate with my children.

Instead of giving instructions, I should ask questions.

Instead of speaking most of the time, I should spend more time listening.

When people are asked thoughtful questions, they begin to reveal what they think, what they believe, and what is happening in their minds. Once we understand their perspective, our advice becomes more meaningful because it connects with their reality instead of ours.

One lesson stands out above all others:

Before we try to teach our children, we must first understand them.

As parents, we also need to remove the “dust” of our own experiences. The world we grew up in is very different from the world our children are growing up in. The methods that worked for us may not always work for them.

Generation Z and Generation Alpha are different from previous generations. They don’t simply accept instructions because someone older said so. They want discussion. They want to understand the purpose behind a task. They need to know not only what they should do, but also why it matters and how it will benefit them.

Key Takeaways

  • Ask questions instead of immediately giving instructions.
  • Listen first; understanding comes before teaching.
  • Don’t assume your experiences are the same as theirs.
  • Encourage open discussions rather than one-way lectures.
  • Explain the purpose and benefits behind every important task.
  • Build trust through conversation, not authority.

Understanding comes before influence. When children feel heard, they become far more willing to listen.

Learn from the mistake

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Today, I was in a meeting, and I realized I wasn’t prepared for my topic. No one embarrassed me, but I felt embarrassed. It wasn’t because of what others said—it was because I knew I could have done better.

Then I reminded myself that I had just joined this team. This was my first project with them. Naturally, they would discuss things I was still learning. Even so, I missed an opportunity to contribute, and that feeling stayed with me.

We all make mistakes in life. A mistake only remains a mistake if we refuse to learn from it. The moment we reflect on it and improve ourselves, it becomes a lesson. Every setback can become a stepping stone.

Life gives us countless opportunities. If we pay full attention to the present moment and prepare ourselves well, we won’t miss the next opportunity when it arrives.

This experience taught me that success requires two things: preparation and presence.

Preparation means doing the work before the moment arrives—reading every document, making notes, understanding the project, and being ready for any discussion. Confidence is often the result of preparation.

Presence means giving 100% of yourself to the moment you are in. When your mind is busy worrying about the past or imagining what others think about you, you lose the opportunity that is right in front of you.

During the meeting, I was too conscious of what others might be thinking about me. But later I realized something important: perhaps no one noticed my silence as much as I did. We are often our own harshest critics.

The good news is that I still have time. If I learn from this experience and prepare myself well, the situation will not become worse. In fact, I can turn it around. People may say that the first impression is the last impression, but consistent effort, competence, and dedication can change how others see us. Perception is not fixed; it evolves with our actions.

So, I made two commitments to myself.

First, I will live fully in the present moment. Whatever life throws at me, I will face it with complete attention instead of fear. I cannot control every situation, but I can control how present I am.

Second, I will always be prepared. I will study every document, make detailed notes, and understand my work deeply so that whenever a project-related discussion comes up, I can contribute with confidence.

Human beings are remarkable not because they never fail, but because they can recognize their mistakes, reflect on them, learn from them, and become better.

Today was not a failure. It was a reminder.

Be prepared.

Be present.

Give your 100%.

The next opportunity is already on its way.

Life happen every day

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Life happens every day.

The other day, I was sitting in my office. At the moment, there isn’t much work on my desk because our project is still in the analysis phase, and I am part of that process. With nothing urgent to do, my mind began to wander.

It drifted into the past.

I started asking myself many questions. Why did certain things happen to me? Why did people behave the way they did? Why was I treated that way?

Later, another thought appeared.

This time it was about my son.

What will happen to him? He isn’t studying seriously. He doesn’t seem focused on his education. As he is my only son, I couldn’t stop imagining what his future might look like.

Without realizing it, I spent the whole day traveling between the past and the future—replaying old memories and worrying about things that had not yet happened.

Then I remembered something that Zen teaches.

Zen is beautifully simple. It is not about complicated rituals or endless philosophical discussions. It is about direct experience. It reminds us to stay in the present moment, to live consciously, and to act with intention.

When we are fully present, we naturally make better decisions. We give our complete attention to what we are doing right now. If we continue acting consciously today, tomorrow will largely take care of itself. Worrying about the future rarely improves it, but acting wisely in the present often does.

The past is different.

It is only a collection of memories. We cannot return to it or live there again. We can only learn from it.

When painful memories keep returning, perhaps the best response is not to fight them but simply to observe them. Our mind may not be trying to torture us. It may simply be warning us:

“This happened once. Be careful that it doesn’t happen again.”

I have experienced this while programming.

Whenever I face a difficult technical problem, memories of previous failures sometimes come back. I remember the frustration, the stress, and the feeling that I had no solution.

At first, those memories make me anxious.

But then I remind myself that they are not predictions of failure—they are reminders of experience. They tell me where I struggled before, so I can approach the problem differently this time. Instead of becoming trapped by those memories, I use them as lessons.

I once came across a quote often attributed to the Buddha:

Someone asked, “We all have to die one day.”

The Buddha replied, “No. We die only once. We live every day.”

Whether or not these were the Buddha’s exact words, the message is powerful.

We often become obsessed with the fact that one day we will die. Since death is inevitable, we sometimes forget that life is happening right now.

The truth is that we die only once.

But we are given the opportunity to live every single day.

That realization changes everything.

Instead of asking, “How much time do I have left?” perhaps the better question is, “How fully did I live today?”

If I live each day with awareness, do meaningful work, love the people around me, learn continuously, and become a better person than I was yesterday, then I have already lived a complete life.

When that day finally comes, I hope I will have no regrets.

Because if I have truly lived every day, I will not need another life to feel complete.

You Are Responsible for Your Actions, Not for Another Person’s Mind

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Many times in life, we struggle because the results of our actions do not match our expectations. We do our best, yet people react in ways we never intended. At those moments, we begin to wonder, “Am I responsible for what is going on in another person’s mind?”

For a long time, I believed that if someone felt uncomfortable because of me, then I must be responsible for it. Over time, however, I realized that this is only partly true.

Our words and actions create situations, but they do not completely determine how other people think, feel, or behave. Every person interprets the world through the lens of their own experiences, beliefs, values, fears, and expectations. The same action can produce completely different reactions in different people.

I experienced this at my workplace.

The office had a relaxed and friendly environment. As a newcomer, I was naturally curious and would often look around while walking through the workspace, trying to familiarize myself with the office and the people. Later, I noticed that a few female colleagues seemed uncomfortable when I was nearby. Some changed where they sat, avoided eye contact, or appeared uneasy.

When I became aware of this, I reflected on my own behavior. I realized that although I had no inappropriate intention, my habit of looking around the office might have been interpreted differently. So I changed what was within my control. While walking through the office, I focused only on where I was going. When speaking with someone, I looked at their face or at the work being discussed instead of letting my eyes wander.

Making that change was my responsibility because my behavior was within my control.

But another question remained: Am I responsible for how other people think about me?

I don’t believe so.

People’s thoughts and feelings are influenced by far more than my actions. They are shaped by their personal experiences, upbringing, cultural expectations, previous encounters, and individual perceptions. I cannot control those things, nor should I try.

What I can control is my own conduct. I can be respectful, considerate, and professional. If I discover that one of my habits unintentionally makes others uncomfortable, I can change that habit. But once I have acted with integrity and corrected what is within my control, I must let go of what is not.

This is an important distinction.

I am responsible for my intentions, my words, and my actions.

I am not responsible for every thought, assumption, emotion, or judgment that another person forms about me.

Understanding this difference brings peace. It allows us to improve ourselves without carrying the impossible burden of managing other people’s minds.

Why implementation of knowledge is important

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Have you ever noticed that raw iron has almost no value?

It’s just a lump of metal pulled from the earth.

But when a blacksmith heats it, removes the impurities, shapes it, and forges it into a sword, a tool, or a machine part—its value increases dramatically.

Why?

Because value is created through knowledge, effort, and application.

The same principle applies to wisdom.

Today, we have access to thousands of books, podcasts, videos, and philosophies. But simply knowing something doesn’t change your life.

Knowledge alone has no value. Applied knowledge does.

Taoism teaches us to flow with life instead of constantly fighting reality.

Zen teaches us to be fully present in this moment, not trapped in regrets about the past or anxiety about the future.

Stoicism teaches us to focus on what we can control and let go of what we cannot.

These ideas sound powerful—and they are.

But they remain just words until you practice them.

Reading about patience doesn’t make you patient.

Learning about discipline doesn’t make you disciplined.

Understanding wisdom is not the same as living it.

Just as raw iron becomes valuable through fire and craftsmanship, wisdom becomes valuable only when it is forged into action.

Don’t just collect knowledge. Transform it into behavior. That’s where real value is created.

The Power of Choosing a Few Things

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I want to do many things in life.

I want to become fluent in AI tools. I want to learn Python so I can build my own AI agents. I want to improve my communication skills. I want to read books and study material that help me grow. I want to learn sales and self-development so I can become a better pre-sales engineer. I want to write every day to become a stronger writer. I want to create YouTube videos.

The truth is, I can do many things—but I cannot do everything.

Time is limited.

As I enter what may be my final working decade, I feel the weight of that reality more than ever. Every new interest competes for the same finite hours.

This is where Stoic philosophy offers an important reminder: focus on what matters and what is within your control.

We cannot control how much time we have, but we can control where we direct our attention.

As Seneca wrote:

“It is not that we have a short time to live, but that we waste much of it.”

He also warned:

“To be everywhere is to be nowhere.”

Even though I understand the shortness of time and the importance of setting priorities, my mind still wants to do everything at once.

This is where Buddhist philosophy comes to mind.

Much of our suffering comes from attachment—including attachment to the idea that we must do everything, learn everything, and become everything.

Letting go of that attachment creates space for clarity.

The power of focusing on a few meaningful actions is also reflected in Islamic teachings. The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said:

“The most beloved deeds to Allah are those that are consistent, even if they are small.”

The lesson is simple: consistency matters more than intensity.

I do not need to chase every opportunity or master every skill.

Instead, I need to detach myself from outcomes, choose a few priorities, and invest my limited time in them consistently.

Most importantly, I should focus on the skills that align with my profession and long-term purpose. When my learning supports my work, each effort strengthens the others.

Less scattered effort. More meaningful progress.

The goal is not to do everything.

The goal is to do the right things—well.

Falling forward

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I recently heard a quote from Denzel Washington about “falling forward.” At first, I was confused by the idea. What does it mean to fall forward? And what would it mean to fall backward?

To me, falling backward happens when we experience failure or adversity but learn nothing from it. Instead of reflecting on what went wrong, we complain about the unfairness of life or blame other people for our circumstances. As a result, we repeat the same mistakes and remain stuck where we are.

Life is full of challenges, failures, disappointments, and setbacks. Yet many people spend more energy searching for someone to blame than searching for a lesson to learn. When we refuse to learn from failure, failure becomes wasted experience.

More than 2,000 years ago, Marcus Aurelius wrote that what stands in the way can become part of the way. Obstacles can become teachers. Difficulties can become opportunities. But this only happens when we accept responsibility for our lives, acknowledge our mistakes, and honestly examine what went wrong.

Learning from failure does not always mean trying the same thing over and over again. Sometimes quitting is the wiser choice. It makes little sense to keep digging a well in dry land where there is no water. Persistence is valuable, but blind persistence is not. We should not continue down a path simply because it is traditional or familiar.

Falling forward is a mindset. It means that every failure, rejection, or setback contains a lesson that can help us move forward. One failed attempt does not mean the world is over. If one path does not work, we can try another. If necessary, we can change direction, improve our approach, learn from our mistakes, and begin again with greater wisdom.

In this way, even when we fall, we are still moving forward.